“Er,” Is an improtant word. You will be using it a lot, along with its partners in crime “Um” and “Uh.” But first, procrastinate. Build up the tension. Never ask a girl out until your palms are sweating, your hair is mussed, and outlying regions of your brain have melted. If you can’t manage to say anything but our three magic words, you will most likely be successful. If you slip up, however, be prepared to experience further dialogue.
“I have a terrible headache,” she tells you.
“Um, what about, er, Tuesday?” you say, hopefully and yet without hope.
“I’m going... to the movies. Look, I’ll talk to you later,” she lies. You watch her retreating form, noting how it fits perfectly into the space around it, and realize, too late, your mistake: choosing someone you actually want to go out with. You decide to find someone unattractive, who you can speak to without Doubt pausing from beating up your Ego to Fry your thought processes.
“Uh, so, are you doing anything this Friday?” you ask a girl with the fattest ass you’ve ever seen. She herself isn’t extraordinarily fat, but her ass extends perhaps 8 inches behind her.
“I have a date on Friday,” she says, and walks away, eventually followed by her ass. Repeat until there’s no one left in the world who you could possibly ask out. Rejoice, you have the perfect sex life.