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i make no guarantees as to the quality of this material. read at your own risk.
lies - a poem about american anti-intellectualism.
things you should know - if life is a test, this is a cheat sheet.
mr. president - a poem about the good old us of a.
imperial salad dynamics - disturbingly enough, the title
of this poem accurately reflects its contents.
not a sonnet - a poem. don't ask.
facts - a poem, and a true story.
carnation™ - a poem about a flower. really.
earth, imho - yet another poem. angst is fun.
outcast - a fragment of a novel, written back in 10th grade.
don't worry, it isn't autobiographical. well, maybe a little.
spleen - a poem about new york's subway system.
science briefs - an old attempt at onion style journalism.
i like cheese, especially brie - a very short quasi-story.
i recommend against reading this, but include it for completeness' sake.
how to improve your sex life - a guide for the terminally sexually frustrated,
written way back in 9th grade. i keep it here because it gets me hits from people
searching for porn.
would - a poem vaguely inspired by the gentle giant song nothing at all.
you can sing the fourth stanza to the tune of the song's middle section if you care to.
monopolarchy - a short story set in a very silly future.
business - a short story I wrote when I was 15, about a hitman, a detective,
a gambler, and a crime boss. fun for the whole family.
mouth - a poem about my mouth. it's even dumber than it sounds.
of paralyzing deflation, failures, and prisons - evil dada poetry, part one.
pull you into you - evil dada poetry, part two.